yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
