"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
