How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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