I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
