I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
