i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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