Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
