Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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