I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
