Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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