The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
