dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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