I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
