I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
