I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
