The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
