No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
