He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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