I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
