Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
