my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize