we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
