sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
