I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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