From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
