Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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