You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
