Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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