you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
