I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
