Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
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I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize