he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
