what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
