u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
