My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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