my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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