I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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