I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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