There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Shitshow foam night was such a success
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
