I didn't shave. On purpose
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
