so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
