He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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