genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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