My underwear smells like fireworks.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
