You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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