Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize