After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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