just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
