He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
