the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
