Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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