i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
