Where is the hickey?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
