so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He better not be in your backpack
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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