So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
