I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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