im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
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U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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