He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
