i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize