from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
