its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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