I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
